On a restless night in 2019, Nicholas Onyeabor tossed and turned in bed, his mind flooded with intrusive thoughts as he struggled to find sleep. This sleepless night was just one of many for the 41-year-old, a self-described former pornography addict, as he faced insomnia on his arduous path to recovery.
Beside him, his wife Adaobi slept peacefully, unaware of the tangled psychological battles her husband was fighting. Onyeabor, now a father of three, traced the origins of his addiction back to 2008 during his final year at a federal university in the South-West of Nigeria.
Raised in a strict, conservative Christian household in Abiriba, Abia State, Onyeabor believed marriage would cure his addiction. However, to his dismay, he quickly realized he was wrong.
“It all started one night in February 2008 when I was 25,” Onyeabor shared with Saturday PUNCH, his brow furrowed. He recounted how a late-night browsing session at a campus cyber café led him down a dark path. What began as innocent research for his final year project turned into a habit when he stumbled upon a pornographic website. Despite his initial fear, curiosity soon took over, leading him deeper into addiction.
As cyber cafés dwindled across Nigerian cities, the advent of internet-enabled mobile phones made access to explicit content easier and more widespread. For Onyeabor, this convenience only fueled his addiction. By the time he married in 2014, his devices were filled with pornographic material, and he found himself pleasuring himself daily, unbeknownst to his wife.
This addiction took a toll on his marriage, diminishing his physical attraction to his wife and turning sexual intimacy into a routine obligation. The realization that he could only maintain an erection by watching porn before engaging with his wife marked the beginning of his journey to quit, a battle that lasted over a year.
Onyeabor is not alone in this struggle. Another man, Kolapo Adigun, recounted how his addiction began with a friend’s DVD collection in 2011. Despite marrying in 2012, his cravings for explicit material persisted, leading to extramarital affairs and further straining his marriage.
These stories highlight the pervasive and destructive impact of pornography addiction on marriages. The Addiction Centre defines pornography addiction as an uncontrollable compulsion to watch porn, leading to cravings and, in many cases, erectile dysfunction. The European Association of Urology also found that excessive consumption of pornography is linked to a higher incidence of erectile dysfunction.
For many, quitting porn is not easy, but experts agree that it is a crucial step in regaining control of one’s life and improving marital relationships. The rise of high-speed internet, smartphones, and social media has made explicit content more accessible than ever, leading to a surge in addiction and its associated problems.
The dark web and mainstream platforms like WhatsApp, X, and Telegram also contribute to the spread of extreme content, which only deepens the addiction. This ecosystem is driven by curiosity, escape from daily pressures, and the anonymity that the internet provides, making it harder for individuals to break free.
As addiction deepens, it alters the brain’s reward system, desensitizing users and leading to a diminished capacity for pleasure from everyday activities. This, in turn, affects emotional and sexual connections with spouses, fostering unrealistic expectations and dissatisfaction in relationships.
Addressing these issues requires open communication, understanding, and professional help. By promoting dialogue and awareness, individuals can begin to heal and rebuild their relationships, free from the grip of pornography addiction.