Sexual desire does not always appear at the same time or with the same intensity. Work pressure, family responsibilities, poor sleep and relationship concerns can all affect how interested someone feels in sex. Even people in happy, long-term relationships may experience periods when intimacy becomes less of a priority.
A lower sex drive is not necessarily a sign that something is wrong. However, if you want to reconnect with your partner or feel more interested in intimacy, there are practical ways to explore what might help.
From managing stress to making time for affection, these seven approaches can support a healthier relationship with your sexual desire.
Understanding Low Libido
Libido refers to a person’s interest in sexual activity. It naturally varies between individuals and can change throughout life.
There is no single level of sexual desire that everyone should have. Some people have a consistently high sex drive, while others experience less frequent interest in sex. Neither automatically indicates a problem.
However, a noticeable or persistent change in libido may be influenced by several factors, including:
- Stress and anxiety: Work pressure, financial concerns and major life changes can affect sexual interest.
- Mental health: Depression and other emotional difficulties may influence desire.
- Hormonal changes: Changes in hormone levels can affect sexual interest.
- Medication: Some medicines, including certain antidepressants, can have sexual side effects.
- Relationship difficulties: Unresolved disagreements, emotional distance or a lack of communication may affect intimacy.
- Fatigue and physical discomfort: Poor sleep, exhaustion and pain can make sexual activity less appealing.
- Personal experiences: Shame, guilt, trauma or cultural influences may affect how someone experiences sexual desire.
Understanding the possible cause is important because the most useful approach depends on what is affecting your libido.
7 Ways to Get in the Mood for Sex
1. Prioritise Your Physical and Mental Wellbeing
It can be difficult to feel interested in intimacy when you are constantly exhausted, overwhelmed or unhappy with how you feel.
Start with everyday habits that support your general wellbeing. Eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly and making time to relax can help you feel better physically and emotionally.
Regular physical activity may also support sexual desire. Exercise can contribute to improved mood, energy and overall health, although its effects on libido vary between individuals.
It is also worth considering habits such as smoking or excessive alcohol consumption, which may affect sexual functioning. Reducing these habits can be beneficial for overall health.
2. Explore New Experiences With Your Partner
Routine can sometimes make intimacy feel less exciting, particularly in long-term relationships.
Trying something different may help couples rediscover shared interests. This could mean planning a romantic evening, changing the setting for a date or discussing new experiences that both partners would enjoy.
Some couples may also choose to explore sexual preferences or fantasies together.
The important part is to maintain emotional connection and ensure that both people feel comfortable. Trying something new should be a shared decision rather than an expectation.
3. Make Time for Intimacy
When work, children and everyday responsibilities take priority, intimacy can become something couples leave until the end of the day.
Planning time together can help prevent this. Scheduling an evening for connection does not mean that sex must happen. Instead, it creates space for affection, conversation and the possibility of intimacy without the pressure of finding time at the last minute.
Some couples may find it helpful to plan date nights or set aside time when phones and other distractions are put away.
The goal is to make connection a deliberate part of the relationship rather than an afterthought.
4. Manage Stress and Get Enough Sleep
Stress can make it harder to relax and become interested in sex. When your attention is occupied by work, financial worries or personal responsibilities, intimacy may feel like another demand.
Finding ways to manage stress can help create a better environment for connection.
Consider activities such as:
- Regular exercise or walking.
- Meditation and breathing exercises.
- Taking breaks during demanding days.
- Spending time on hobbies.
- Maintaining a consistent sleep routine.
Sleep is particularly important. When you regularly get insufficient rest, fatigue can affect your mood, energy and interest in intimacy.
Improving sleep habits may help you feel more prepared for physical and emotional connection.
5. Discover What Makes You Feel Desired
People respond to intimacy in different ways. Some enjoy affectionate messages throughout the day, while others prefer compliments, physical affection or dedicated time together.
Understanding what helps you feel comfortable and interested can make it easier to communicate your preferences.
For example, sending a thoughtful message, expressing appreciation or arranging time together may help build anticipation.
Some adults may also enjoy erotic reading or other forms of private sexual expression. Any shared activity should reflect the comfort and consent of everyone involved.
6. Understand Your Own Sexual Preferences
Learning what you enjoy can help you communicate more clearly with a partner.
Masturbation is one way some adults explore their bodies and understand their sexual preferences. It can also be a form of sexual expression independent of partnered activity.
For couples who are both comfortable with the idea, discussing or exploring individual pleasure together may create another opportunity for communication.
There is no requirement to involve a partner, however. Personal sexual preferences and boundaries should be respected.
7. Consider Changing the Timing
The time of day can influence how interested someone feels in sex.
For people who finish work late or manage demanding family schedules, the end of the day may be when their energy is lowest. Waiting until bedtime may therefore make intimacy feel difficult to prioritise.
Some couples may find that mornings, weekends or other quieter periods work better.
Experimenting with different times can help partners identify when they feel most relaxed and comfortable. There is no universally ideal time for sex.
When Should You Talk to a Doctor About Low Libido?
Lifestyle changes may help when stress, tiredness or relationship routines are affecting sexual desire. However, low libido can also be connected to medical conditions, hormonal changes or medication side effects.
Consider speaking with a healthcare professional if:
- Your sex drive has changed significantly without an obvious explanation.
- Low desire is persistent or causing personal distress.
- You experience pain or other physical symptoms during sex.
- You suspect that medication may be affecting your sexual interest.
- Changes in your mood or general health are occurring alongside reduced desire.
A doctor can help assess possible physical causes and discuss appropriate options. A mental health professional or qualified sex therapist may also help when emotional concerns, past experiences or relationship difficulties are contributing to the problem.
You do not need to feel embarrassed about seeking support. Sexual wellbeing is part of overall health, and professional guidance can help you understand what is happening.
The Bottom Line
Libido can change with stress, sleep, health, medication and relationship circumstances. If you want to feel more interested in sex, start by understanding what may be affecting your desire rather than putting pressure on yourself to feel a certain way.
Regular exercise, better rest, stress management, open communication and making time for intimacy may all help support a healthier sex life.
Most importantly, sexual activity should remain a personal choice. You do not have to be in the mood every day, and a satisfying relationship is not measured by how often you have sex.